Hey guys how are you all?
I had told you all yesterday that today was my first day at work however, there was a bit of confusion at the office and turns out i’m not starting today i’m starting tomorrow! #awkward! Instead I am going to tell you guys how my 2018 was and why I am glad to see the back of it!
So 2018, where on earth do I start! Well I suppose at the very beginning is a very good place to start! (By the way guys get used to comments like this from musicals because i’m all about the musicals!)
1st January 2018 – I split up with my fiance after some long consideration! Basically, I was in a relationship with a very nice guy (i’m not going to name names because I don’t think its fair) and after being together for just over 9 months he proposed, I said yes! We had a wonderful engagement party and then something happened that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, I had a miscarriage.
For me the relationship went downhill from that moment on. It took me three weeks to recover from the miscarriage, mentally and physically (i’m still not over it now but I don’t think you will ever be over something like that). Once I finally managed to get better, I then started having issues with my stomach which caused the relationship to break down even more. I was in and out of hospital constantly and I think I spent more time in bed or at hospital than I did with him!
It came to new years eve in 2017 and I all of the sudden realised that I didn’t want to be with him anymore not because he wasn’t a nice guy or because of anything else but simply the reason that I didn’t love him anymore. I rathered of spent new years with my mum than him and I think that showed a lot!
January 1st came and I went home to him and his family after spending new years with my mum and I couldn’t face telling him I was leaving in front of all his family. There was conversation about the wedding that was meant to be happening this year (2019) and I agreed with everything everyone was saying. I didn’t want to break his heart in front of everyone. Maybe for my own selfish reasons but whats been done, has been done, no changing that! I moved back in with my mum after telling him it was over and a lot of tears were shed from both of us!
End of January 2018 – I moved into my own place, well I say place it was a static home – lovely but not for me! My dad had sorted it out for me and I was very grateful! However, after living there for two weeks I ended up in hospital and got told I couldn’t live at home on my own! so I moved back in with my mother! Because of this, I now don’t talk to my dad, not because I don’t want to talk to him, but because he doesn’t want to talk to me!
Since January I had a lot of guys floating in and out of my life and I started drinking a lot more than I ever had done before, but I wouldn’t say I had a problem! I think I was just enjoying life a little bit too much!
March came – My birthday month which by the way, I celebrated from the day of my birthday right through to the Sunday! However, it wasn’t really a celebration.It was more of trying not to let the pub I worked in, go down hill because of the landlord (again no names are being mentioned). All i’m saying is they had a very rocky relationship, well they still do to be honest, March was probably the worst time of their relationship.
April came and we thought everything was going okay, but maybe not! I got sacked from my job for no reason at all! I literally did nothing wrong it was all because the landlord was coming back and he didn’t want me there! Fine by me I was leaving anyway!
May 15th – i found pictures of myself in google! amazing!!!!! I literally nearly died, I couldn’t believe it was so happy that I was on Google but then I started thinking how could I make it more. I wanted to be known far and wide for what I want to do, singing and acting! Well I tried to boost my Instagram up, but that was as far as I could get as I was starting to get busy again with working at a new pub literally day and night!
Summer came and it was time for the World Cup! Now I am not a football fan but, I watched the games where I could and I worked every game in the pub apart from one. but that’s because I was ill with my stomach! I was so proud of England! We had done so well and the boys had done us proud! There were a few matches that were insane; glasses were smashed; beer was thrown everywhere; and the chanting was loud! The atmosphere was ecstatic! Well done boys!!
I was also having a bit of a thing with another lovely guy but turned out he just wasn’t my type! We went to Bournemouth for a random trip and stayed until midnight. We also went to London for my voice audition which was amazing, we went to underbelly festival, the London eye and a Mexican restaurant which was also amazing and then we went on holiday to Bournemouth. He was such a great guy but i just wasn’t feeling 100% connected with him so I had to end it!
Then on the 29th of September, I started in a new relationship! However, it didn’t turn out to be how I expected it to be! At first it was great, he would come round; we would have a few drinks; I met his family; he met mine; everything was going swimmingly and then me and my mother had a huge bust up! She kicked me out and he offered for me to live at his, well lets just say I took the offer up and ended up moving in with him.
The relationship after I moved in was great at first, then the hospital appointments came in and he was going on at me about getting a proper job. I was working in the pub and actually enjoyed what I was doing and I was working most days of the week which covered my rent and me living! If anything he was on more than me but was living out of my purse because he wasted his wages. Then it came to the week of my operation and he was so off with me it was unreal, I thought he was just tired, no sirey he knew he was going to break up with me but he didn’t know how!
Lets just say I had my operation on the Friday and he phoned me Friday night to tell me he couldn’t be there to look after me, apparently he had to work. I got home on the Saturday after a great friend came to pick me up and he decided he was going out! Tuesday came and I woke up to a text from him saying he wanted me out of the house before he came home. I was devastated and didn’t know what to do so phoned my Grandparents!
I have lived with my Grandparents for a month now and as much as my Grandad drives me insane I cant be more grateful to them! I love them with all my heart and they know I’d be there if they ever needed anything; they have supported me getting my new job and have just been amazing! Nanny, Grandad I love you both to the moon and back a million times!
So although last year was super hard, I have rekindled my relationship with my family, I have learnt that most guys are the same and that I don’t have to do what everyone else wants me to do, Sometimes I have to make decisions for myself and what would make me happy!
I just want to say a massive thank you to these people for always sticking by me especially this year: Debbie, Mark, Lisa, Rob, Demi, Lauren, Hayley, Alex, Lisa, Nanny, Grandad, Josh and everyone else who has made this year bareable you know who you are!
Well there you go you now know most of what happened last year and why I struggled so much. My illness I will talk about in more detail soon and my miscarriage I will do a whole blog on as it is quite hard but I think, we as women need to know that we aren’t alone and there are others that have gone through the same thing!
Lots of love,
Your biggest fan#
Shennon xxxx
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